One last goodbye
by Eressie
Summary: “I don’t think I really ever understood death, not even now…“


**One**** last goodbye**  
By: Eressie

Disclaimer: Don't own Yo-Gi-Oh…

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I watch Yugi as he pace around the room, fidgeting with his clothes and with his hair. I smile a little at him from where I sit on his bed.

"You are going to make a hole in the floor with all that pacing." I say.

He did not look at me, but he did stop and sat down on the chair by his desk. He sighed loudly and rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. I know he had not been sleeping well for the last couple of days. Poor Yugi, he looked much older than eighteen right now.

"You know I should bump you on the head or something so you get knocked out, what way maybe you can rest a little." I say and stand up.

I walk over to him, trying to offer support and comfort by standing near but he do not seam to notice me. He stares at the picture that hangs on the wall before us.  
Yugi and I and the rest of the gang stands in the snow looking out from the picture with big smiles on our faces. Honda holds Jonouchi in a loose headlock and both of them are grinning stupidly. I remember that they had been wrestling on the ground just before this picture was taken, so the white snow covered larger parts of their clothes.  
Yugi and I sits on a blanket in front of them and Anzu stand crouched beside Yugi with a hand on his shoulder. Beside me stands a snowman that we made together, it has my red cap on his head and Honda's green scarf around his neck. With stones and sticks we decorated a face for him and he looked just as happy as we were.

"Good times…" I mumble.

I hear a quiet sob beside me and I look down at Yugi who had tears streaming down his face. He leans forward and touched the picture with his forefinger, he traces everyone's smiles with it and the last one he touches is mine. He lingers on me for a moment before lowering his hand again. I shift from feet to feet where I stand; maybe I should leave Yugi alone for a while? I feel a little uncomfortable where I am and by knowing that I can not comfort him in any way, I feel very much in the way. I turn to leave but stop in my tracks when Yugi start to speak.

"Why did it come to be like this, Ryou?" He says and looks again at the picture. "It's so unfair… I did not want this… how could things go so wrong?" He says and sobs into his hands. "So damn wrong… I don't know what I should do, Ryou." I turn around and look at him, his voice  
sounds so weak and I want noting more than to hug him. Yugi raise his head again and wipe tears from his face, but new ones just keep coming.

"I never experienced anything like this before," he said. "I… I don't know if I can continue living like this, feeling the way I do."  
I frown, but say nothing. What should I say? It would fall for deaf ears anyway.

"I feel so heavy… and I feel like my heart has been torn out from my body." He clutches the front of his shirt with his hand. "It hurts, it hurts so much… will it ever end, Ryou? Will the pain ever stop?"

I do not move, I do not breathe and I wait until Yugi's cries calms down before I say anything.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this, Yugi, I really am." I whisper. "If I could I would ease the pain you feel, but I fear that is quite impossible for me to do…" I bit my lip before continuing. "It's going to get better with time, Yugi. I'm not saying the pain will go away completely, but it will fade a little for each day that goes by. That's how it was for me anyway, when my mother and my sister died."

I cross my arms over my chest and look at Yugi in the corner of my eye. He has stopped crying and now he sits slumped and quiet in his chair. The door behind me opens and Jonouchi come in, I give him a soft smile as he walks towards the shorter boy. Yugi looks up when the blonde enters and he wipe away the last of his tears with his hands.

Jonouchi lay a hand on his shoulder, and his voice is gentle when he speaks.

"Come, Yugi. It's time."

-----

I have been to several funerals but this is the only one I have not felt any grief over, weirdly enough. Some might think that this is the one death I should be most devastated over and sure I was sad at first, but now I feel more… curious than anything. I put my hands in my pockets and look up at the sky, ignoring the priest's words and I soon get lost in my thoughts.

I think I was six years old when I was on my first funeral and it was my great grandfather who had died. I remember that many people were sad and that we lay flowers on, what I thought was nothing more than a large box. Nobody really told me why we were there. I did not cry like many of the other were, I was mostly confused. It was not until after the funeral, when my family and I got in our car that I finally got some answers. I had asked my mother why she was crying and she said that my great grandfather was dead. Dead? The word did not mean much to me. But then she said that he would never come back again and I would never get see him any more.  
I turned in my seat and I watched the graveyard get smaller and smaller as we drove away from it… and then I cried.

Ever since that day I was... what to call it? Fascinated, with death. I think I made my parents concerned about me when I got my new 'hobby'. One day I got terrified because I realized that I shall die one day like anybody else. I cried and screamed, I did not want to die! My mother comforted me and calmed me down by saying that I would not die. But the thought did not leave me for some time, I did not linger on it though because I soon also realized that it will take many, many years before my time was ended. I never stopped being fascinated by death. And as I grew up I got more and more interested by it and anything occult, much to my parents dismay.

I smile at the memory, _'I've must have been quite an odd child.'_ I thought and cast a glance at my father who stands beside me, he has his hands clasped and he looks down on the ground. His long blue hair looks lifeless and uncared for. He is pale and have dark circles under his eyes, he looks very tired. In a couple of days he has aged at last 10 years it seamed. I almost walked away before when my father had his speech, it was so hard to see my strong father so sad and almost broken. I sigh heavily and look again at the priest who just finished talking and now stand silent as in a prayer. Soon people starts to walk away and within moments there are just me, my friends and my father there. We are all standing around the hole were the coffin had been lowered into. All stands close and offer each other support, I look at them all and I feel blessed and very lucky indeed to have a family like this one.

"The sun stands high in the sky and the sky is bluer than ever before. I'm surrounded by people who love me and whom I love equally back." I mumble with a smile to no one in particular.

"A fine warm summer day." I whisper, "And a perfect ending I believe…"

I close my eyes and smile one last sad smile. "I guess it's time." I say a little louder than before and I smile with tears in my eyes as I try my best to hug everyone at the same time. They do not react to my hug and they do not try to hug me back. I kiss my father's wet cheek and I lower my arms and I look at everyone.

"I love you all so much, I hope you know that." I don't expect an answer or a sign that anyone heard me, so I turn around slowly and start to walk away. I pass the grave that now holds my body and the white gravestone that have my name carved into it. Behind me I can hear Yugi's soft voice as he too starts to walk away, but in the other direction.

"Goodbye, Ryou."

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Notes: I'm sure there are loads of mistakes in the text, that would not surprise me at all... I've tried to make it right but I might have made it worse XD I hope you guys can read it anyway.


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